According to Wikipedia, sexual abstinence is “the practice of refraining from some or all aspects of sexual activity for medical, psychological, legal, social, financial, philosophical, moral, or religious reasons.”
The biggest problem with so-called “Abstinence Only” programs in schools is that THEY DON’T WORK. They are rooted in religious fantasy, rejecting the hormone tsunami that is adolescence while simultaneously working to indoctrinate children with Judeo-Christian family values. In addition to the fact that not all children come from religious families with religious values, another huge failure of abstinence-only programs is that they don’t discuss contraception, safer sex practices, or consent.
From that same article in Wikipedia, It’s no surprise that abstinence-only programs have not been found to lower the “age of sexual initiation or number of sexual partners; or the rates of sexual abstinence, condom use, vaginal sex, pregnancy, and sexually transmitted infections.”
Those who don’t receive adequate sex ed may fall prey to some of the bizarre and hilarious BAD SEX ADVICE I’ve either received or read:
FOR BOTH:
Masturbation will ruin sex.
Be as quiet as possible while having sex, so h/she doesn’t think you watch too much porn.
FOR HER:
Do jumping jacks immediately after sex to shake the sperm out.
Menstruation makes you very dirty, so you must shower twice daily at that time.
FOR HIM:
Dip your balls in a mug of hot water to kill all the sperm so she can’t get pregnant.
If you pull most of the way out, sperm won’t make it all the way up and she won’t get pregnant.
While it seems hard to believe in North America in the year 2022, religious
fanatics STILL want to deny students the right to adequate, accurate sexual
education. These parents tell themselves that teaching adolescents about sex is
tantamount to giving them permission to have sex (imagine - young people having
ownership of their own bodies!).
ON PORN
I’ve got news for those parents: Even if your child is attending a religious school, if they are using the Internet for research, they are going to be exposed to porn - regardless of how many Net Nanny or parental control software programs are being used by their school (or you).
When that happens, even though you might think it is the worst thing to ever invade your child’s mind, it can be an excellent teaching opportunity about their own body, sexuality, and consent (not to mention talking about the difference between fantasy sex/acting and sex IRL). However, since religious homes generally employ heaping amounts of fear, shame, and judgment around sexuality, your child is unlikely to approach you about what happened. They will, instead, turn to their equally misinformed friends.
If you are a parent, it is your MINIMAL responsibility to share accurate information with your offspring about how bodies change, what they can expect as they get older, and how they can protect themselves from unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases and infections. It’s not enough to simply tell your daughters to cross their legs and your sons to stop masturbating. Since most humans will end up having sex at some point, why not acknowledge and accept healthy, age-appropriate curiosity? It is never appropriate to shame a child for asking questions, even if they make you turn crimson with embarrassment (an indication that you may benefit from therapy of your own).
It’s an age-old truth that we become even more curious and enamored with that which is forbidden. Speaking frankly with young people about sex, sexuality, gender, expression, and attraction can save lives and prevent the tragedy of unwanted pregnancy. Instructing all genders about sexual consent is a fantastic springboard into discussions around consent in every area of life.
If you grew up in a fundamentalist home that was uncomfortable discussing
issues related to sex and gender, don’t miss the upcoming Shameless Sexuality:
Life After Purity Culture online conference, October 14 – 16, 2022. Learn more
and get tickets here: www.shamelesssexuality.org.
Contact me for one-to-one work on recovering from the lies of Purity Culture
indoctrination: www.divorcing-religion.com.
If you know a young person struggling with 2SLGBTQIA+ issues, please pass them
this link: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/